Drown
by forever-x-young
Summary: Squid got a letter. Although it isn't from his mother. It's from a girl who comes to CGL. She has a secret that she doesn't want anyone to know but Squid wants to find out. Please R&R FINISHED
1. Meeting For the First Time

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
D-Tent had come from digging and headed to their tent. It had been a week since Squid had received a letter. He read the letter over and over again until the creases where the letter had been folded were slowly tearing. He sat on his cot and heard a bus coming. He walked out of the tent. Squid tried to get as close as he could to the bus unnoticed. He was interested in seeing the victims that were being sent to the camp. He saw 4 girls get off the bus. He wasn't shocked because girls had been being sent over the week. Then he saw a girl he recognized. He began walking closer. She had black hair with red and blonde highlights and her eyes were dark brown and she had tan skin. He saw Pendanski by the bus and knew how to get close to them. He walked over to Pendanski. "Hey ma,"  
  
"Hey Alan," Mr. Pendanski said. The girl heard the name Alan and looked up. Alan glanced at her, but then looked away. "Well you go to the tent,"  
  
"Later ma. Ladies," Alan smiled and headed to the tent. The girl watched as Alan left.  
  
"This way," Mr. Pendanski said. The girls followed him. The girl kept her eye on Alan.  
  
The boys in D-Tent were sitting on their cots just talking. "Iverson is the best of the best," Armpit protested. Everyone laughed.  
  
"No Kobe is. Brotha' got game," X-Ray said. Everyone agreed.  
  
"Actually hands down to Duncan," the girl from the bus said and smiled. The guys looked at her. Mr. Pendanski was standing next to her.  
  
"Boys meet your new roommate. Nayel Maia Reyna." Mr. Pendanski said with a fake smile plastered on his face.  
  
"Sounds like a name from the Bible," Zigzag stood up from his cot and looked at Nayel. She looked at him. He didn't have his shirt on and the top of his jumpsuit was tied around his waist.  
  
"Well my mom named after the river in Egypt so I guess you could say that," Nayel said sarcastically.  
  
"Feisty isn't she," Zigzag smiled. Squid stood up and looked at Nayel. Nayel looked back at him.  
  
"Well I'll let you all get to know each other," Mr. Pendanski left. Nayel sat on the cot that wasn't occupied.  
  
"So who's who," Nayel asked looking around the guys. They just looked at her. "Well I can tell no one can speak," Nayel smiled. Squid stepped forward.  
  
"That's Caveman, Zero, X-Ray, Armpit, Zigzag, and I'm Squid," he smiled sarcastically. Nayel smiled back. "So how's life treating you outside of here or should I say was treating you," Squid sat on his cot eager to find out how she got caught.  
  
"It was fine Squid," she emphasized 'Squid'. The other guys could sense some hostility between them. "You know how it is. Don't you or has the sun drained out all your thoughts and memories," she looked at him and acted concern. Squid glared at her. "Well Squid," she lifted her eyebrow.  
  
"Yo Squid lets go to the Wreck Room," X-Ray said. Squid was still looking at Nayel and she was looking straight back at him. "Squid," X-Ray said in his annoyed tone of voice.  
  
"Comin'," Squid got up and walked over to Nayel. "This isn't the street so be careful," Squid warned her.  
  
"I'm a big girl I can take care of myself Alan," Nayel smiled and got up. "I would like to go the Wreck Room," she headed out. Squid followed. Zigzag grabbed Squid's arm before he walked out.  
  
"Nayel is your ex girlfriend?" Zigzag asked looking at Squid. Squid looked back at him.  
  
"Yeah something like that," Squid sighed. Zigzag nodded. "Zig I'd rather you not tell the other guys okay?"  
  
"I won't just you have to tell me the story behind her," Zigzag begged. He wanted to know about this Nayel girl that made Squid's hair stand up.  
  
"Later," Squid continued his way to the Wreck Room. Zigzag followed. 


	2. You Think You're Better Than Me

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The trumpet sound went off and the guys in D-Tent moaned and groaned, but eventually got up. Nayel stayed asleep. Squid walked over to her. "Wake up sunshine," he shook her lightly. Nayel rubbed her eyes and sat up.  
  
"What is it mom," Nayel looked at him. Squid grabbed her jumpsuit and threw it at her. He went to his cot to get his jumpsuit. Nayel slipped on her jumpsuit. She tied the top part around her waist. She wore a black tank top that read 'Rock' on it. She followed the others guys to the 'Library'.  
  
"Open up them peepers," Mr. Sir announced as he opened up the library to get their shovels. Nayel grabbed a shovel and went to get a tortilla. She lifted it up and it dripped with honey. Squid walked over and picked one up for himself. He took a bite out of it and smiled at her. She looked at him disgusted.  
  
"You aren't serious," Nayel asked and she looked at the tortilla. Squid nodded. Nayel handed it to him. "Here. Enjoy. You'll need your energy," she followed the rest of the campers. Squid clutched his teeth and followed. Mr. Sir told where each camper was supposed to dig. Nayel started to dig. Squid wanted to be next to her, so told Magnet to move.  
  
"Why should I," Magnet gave Squid a dirty look. Squid looked back at him the exact same way.  
  
"Now girls don't fight," Nayel joked. Magnet picked up his shovel and moved. Squid smiled at Nayel.  
  
"Oh how the mighty have fallen," Squid joked. He drove his shovel into the hard ground and tossed the dirt to the opposite side of him. Nayel didn't stop digging.  
  
"Go ahead. Poke fun at me. I don't care," Nayel wasn't going to let Squid's comments get to her. "Why don't you just ask me already," Nayel looked at him. She paused her digging, waiting for an answer.  
  
"What happened," Squid finally asked. The other guys listened closely. There was nothing else to do. Nayel started digging again.  
  
"Wrong place, wrong time," Nayel said. She wasn't going to say anymore. She didn't want all these guys to hear her story. Atleast not yet. Squid nodded and continued digging.  
  
"Yo Nile. You got a boyfriend back home," Zigzag asked. Nayel looked at him.  
  
"Well crack head I had one, but he moved away," Nayel answered and glanced at Squid. Zigzag looked at her and then continued digging. Nayel did too.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Nayel had finally finished digging. She was the second one to finish. Zero was of course the first one. She started heading toward the camp. Squid tried to finish as quickly as possible. Nayel went into the Wreck Room. She couldn't find anyone she knew. There were mostly guys. She felt uneasy and walked out. She walked into the tent and found Zero asleep on his cot. She went to her cot and sat down. "Boring," she said to herself and reached into her crate. She pulled out a journal. Inside were entries her mother wrote before she passed away. Whenever Nayel felt lonely she turned to the journal. Some of the pages had creases on the corners. She had turned to one of the pages and began to read. On the page she was reading there was a picture of her mother and father. She lifted it out of the journal and just looked at it. She smiled to herself and began to think back when she was at home. "Hey," a voice said. Nayel looked up and found Squid standing there. His face was practically covered with dirt.  
  
"Hey Squid," Nayel went back to reading. Squid looked at her and lifted the picture. "Nice," he gave it back to her.  
  
"What do you want," Nayel snapped and closed the journal. Squid lifted the journal. Nayel stood up. "You got what you wanted. I'm here. I'm a horrible person," she snatched the journal out his hands and looked at him.  
  
"Nayel....," he couldn't find the words so he just said something. "You got what deserved. Now Nile if you'll excuse me I'm going to have some fun. You can stay here and read you're little house on the prairie book,"  
  
"You've changed Alan. You think you're better than me just because you dig holes all day. Think again," Nayel glared at him and sat on her cot. Squid took the journal from her.  
  
"What is this anyway," he began flipping through the pages. "Poems? Bullshit?"  
  
"Give it back," she demanded. He threw it on the floor and got close enough to kiss her.  
  
"You better change cause you know, as well as everyone else, you ain't any better than the rest of us. So I suggest Nayel that you change your shit now," Squid warned. Nayel looked at him.  
  
"I don't have to if I don't want to. Besides you have no fuckin' idea what happened to me," Nayel got up and went to pick up the journal. "Well be on your way Squid. I wouldn't want you to waste your precious time with me," she glared at him and smiled sarcastically. He walked out. 


	3. I Don't Care

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Squid walked into the Wreck Room and walked over to the bench and began lifting weights. X-Ray walked over to him. "You know it dangerous to be doing this without a spotter right," X-ray grinned.  
  
"I don't care," Squid replied and continued. X-Ray could tell Squid was pissed.  
  
"What's wrong man." X-Ray finally asked. Squid continued bench pressing without responding to X-Ray or looking at him. "Tell me man. I mean it's better to get it off your chest than bottling it up inside," he pointed out. Squid put down the bar and sat up. X-Ray rested his elbows on the bar waiting for an answer.  
  
"Well...," he wanted to tell someone, but resisted. "I just hate it here," Squid walked out and headed back to the tent. Then remembered Nayel was in there. He started to walk around. He just wanted this nightmare to be over. He began to think back and remembered why he was sent there.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Alan was in the house grabbing things that were valuable and stuffing them into his backpack. Nayel was a look out. "Hurry," she whispered. Alan said something but she couldn't quite make it out. Nayel heard sirens coming closer. "Alan," she whispered louder.  
  
"Hold on," he whispered back. He was still looking through the things.  
  
"Jackass let's go," Nayel commanded. Alan didn't pay any attention to her. She heard the sirens closer now. "Shit," she took off running leaving Alan. Alan finally climbed out the window.  
  
"I got," he turned to see the cops standing there. He looked around for Nayel. She was gone. "Damn,"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*End of Flashback~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Squid shrugged trying to rub out the memory from his mind. He just wanted to sleep. He walked into the tent. Nayel was still reading. He looked at her and sat on his cot. "Why did you run," he said.  
  
"What," Nayel wasn't paying attention to him. Let alone know what he was talking about.  
  
"That day," Squid looked at her. "Why did you run," Nayel looked at him still not knowing what he was talking about.  
  
"Sorry Squid but I have no idea what you are talking about," Nayel shook her head and went back to reading.  
  
"You were just scared," Squid blurted out.  
  
"What the hell is your problem," Nayel finally said. She sounded frustrated. She put the journal back into her crate. "Why can't you just leave me alone,"  
  
"You left me alone," Squid shot up. "You ran. You left me to take the blame,"  
  
"I told you to hurry," she finally figured out what he was talking about. "I kept yelling at you but you never hurried up your ass so I saved myself and left," she wasn't ashamed of it.  
  
"But you were equally to blame. You were in on it too," Squid was yelling now. Nayel rolled her eyes and laid down on her cot.  
  
"You need to get over it already. What's done is done nothing you say can change it," Nayel smiled at him.  
  
"Bitch. I'm glad you got sent here. This is what I've been doing for the past 7 months and I'm glad you get to experience it," Squid smirked. Nayel got up and began heading out.  
  
"I'm not going to listen to your bullshit anymore. You are just full of yourself and you don't care who you hurt just to make sure you're on top. You have always been that way and you will never change," Nayel walked out. Squid walked over to her crate and pulled out the journal and began reading through it. Zigzag walked in.  
  
"What are you doing," Zigzag asked. Squid was startled and dropped the journal. He didn't hear Zigzag come in. Squid quickly picked up the journal and put in the crate.  
  
"Nothing," he answered and went to sit on his cot. Zigzag sat on his.  
  
"Nile looked pissed," Zigzag said as he scratched his head.  
  
"Yeah so," Squid snapped and glanced at Zigzag.  
  
"I'm just saying. She seems cool," Zigzag shrugged.  
  
"You've fallen into her trap. You better watch your back," Squid warned. "She lures you in and then BAM you end up here," Zigzag began laughing. Squid smiled.  
  
"You're full of it you know that," Zigzag said still laughing. Squid nodded, but he knew he was right. The words 'you have no fuckin' idea what happened to me' kept running through his head. What did she mean by that? 


	4. Session One

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Night had fallen and there was a full moon out. Squid couldn't go to sleep. Something kept him up. He looked over at Nayel who was asleep. He had to know why she was sent there. He got out of bed and slipped on his jumpsuit and then his boots. He slowly walked out of the tent and headed towards Mr. Sir's office. The camp was so silent. He had never heard it like this. He crept up the stairs to the door. He pushed open the door. "Dumbasses," he snickered. He was now inside the office. He began to look around and his eyes fell upon the filing cabinet. He slowly walked toward it. He opened it and began looking through the files. "Nayel," he lifted the folder and set it down on the table. He sat in Mr. Sir's chair. He remembered when he was on the opposite side but then snapped out of it. "Focus Alan," he whispered to himself. He opened the file and began to read.  
  
Name: Nayel Maia Reyna Age: 16  
  
Parents: Yolanda Reyna (Mother) Nathan Reyna (Father)  
  
"Ok whatever I know that shit," he glided his finger down to where he it said why she was sent there. He read intently.  
  
Reason: Tried suicide attempts. First by slitting her wrists. Second by anorexia. Third by depressants. Fourth by jumping out of a window but someone stopped her.  
  
She has seen 5 different psychiatrists. The following envelope contains sessions that have been recorded with Dr. Schwartz.  
  
Squid opened the envelope. He could tell no one bothered to open it before. He had been the first. "How the hell am I going to hear this..." then he remembered Armpit had a Walkman in his crate. He slipped the tapes into his pocket and put everything back. He stepped outside and looked around. Then went to the tent. He walked over to Armpit's crate and took out the Walkman. He went to sit on his cot. He took out the tapes and placed the one marked "Session One" into the Walkman. He put the headphones on and pressed play. He knew that he was going to hear Nayel's thoughts and feelings and he knew instantly that he was going to be mentioned.  
  
*Session one tape*  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Hello Nayel. Now you do know that is being recorded but feel free to speak your mind. Okay lets begin. Why are you trying to kill yourself Nayel?  
  
Nayel: I don't know... I just feel like I don't deserve to live.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Now Nayel you know that's not true. Let's start with your first attempt at suicide. You, I understand, tried slitting your wrists. Tell me what happened.  
  
Nayel: Well.... I was in the restroom and I had a razor blade in my hand. I examined it. I remember I glided my finger across the blades and blood trickled down my finger. I stared at the blood for awhile and I pressed the blade against my wrists...  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Continue  
  
Nayel: I slid the razor blade across my flesh. There was a lot of blood. It dripped on to the rug I had in the bathroom. I looked at the rug. I looked at the bloodstains. I put my finger against my wrist and made sure I had blood on it. I wrote on the wall. "I'm Sorry," I did that repeatedly. Till my mother walked in. She screamed so loud. I yelled at her to stop. I covered my ears with my hands. The blood was no dripping down onto my shirt. They took me to the hospital. The doctor wrapped my wrist. I remember it being so tight that the blood appeared on the bandage.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Why did you do that Nayel?  
  
Nayel: I don't know...  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Did you hurt someone and thought you should be punished?  
  
Nayel: Yeah...I hurt someone.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Who?  
  
Nayel: My mother...my father.... Alan  
  
Dr. Schwartz: How?  
  
Nayel: I don't know I just know I did...  
  
The tape stopped and the trumpet went off. Squid quickly got the tapes and put them under his pillow. He took the Walkman to Armpit's crate. "Yo Pit get up," so no one would question why he was near Armpit's cot. Armpit moved in his cot but eventually got up. Squid walked over to Nayel. "Get up sweetheart," Nayel got up and noticed Squid just staring at her.  
  
"I'm not a freak show," Nayel snapped and quickly got dressed. Then headed out. Squid followed. After breakfast it was time to dig. Squid dug faster than usual. Everyone noticed but didn't say anything. Squid finished before Zero.  
  
"Yo Squid what you on," Magnet asked jokingly. Squid ignored the question and headed back to the camp. He walked into the tent. He got the tape and flipped it to side B and continued to listen.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Okay the tape is now on side B. Continue.  
  
Nayel: I hurt the people that I care about. I'm just not perfect enough for them. I mean they just don't accept me. They hate me.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Nayel no one hates you. If your parents hated you they wouldn't have taken you to the hospital.  
  
Nayel: Yeah they would. Just to get rid of me...  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Who's Alan?  
  
Nayel: This guy...I've known for a long time. He's really important to me, but I know that he doesn't like me. He thinks I'm ugly. Fat.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: You are not any of those things.  
  
Nayel: I sure feel like that...  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Okay this concludes our session. I'll see you next week.  
  
Squid stopped the tape. He moved the headphones to where they hung around his neck. Squid wondered why she even thought those things. He had to know more. 


	5. Hurt, Angry, Betrayal

A/n: Thanks for the reviews. I really feel special. lol. I know I'm a freak. Proud to be. Well on with the story  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
D-Tent was gathered around the dinner table. Squid poked at his food. He glanced at Nayel. She was eating and talking to Zigzag. He noticed that she lifted up sleeves revealing her scars. She had them on both arms. He knew she wouldn't tell him what happened. Even though he knew already he wanted to hear it from her mouth. Squid couldn't handle it anymore. He got up and left to the tent. "Okay that was weird," Armpit noticed. X-Ray got up to go see what was wrong with him.  
  
"No I'll go," Nayel said automatically and headed to the tent. She lifted the flap and found Squid sitting on his cot. He had his hands clamped together like he was praying. His concentration was on the ground. "Hey," she said softly.  
  
"Leave me alone," he growled. Nayel shrugged and went to sit on her cot. He looked at her and wanted to ask her so many questions. Like 'Why she did those things to herself' and 'Why did she think that'. But he couldn't. If he did she would start playing 20 questions with him.  
  
"You know when you got caught I thought it was quite funny. You were always saying that I would be the one who would be getting caught," Nayel smiled. "It was kind of like a ha-ha thing going on,"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it anymore okay," Squid thought he'd try ease his way into having Nayel confess to him what she did to herself. "Where are those scars from?"  
  
"Oh these," she looked at her wrists. "While I was playing softball. I slid to home plate and well I scratched up arms."  
  
"Oh," Squid nodded slowly. Why doesn't she just tell him what was wrong.  
  
"Yeah. It was gruesome," she smiled. Squid looked in his crate. "You should've seen it,"  
  
"Yeah whatever," Squid placed his toothpick in his mouth and started to chew on it. Nayel noticed he didn't want to talk so she leaned back and closed her eyes. Pretty soon the rest of D-Tent piled in and got into bed. They kept talking about something, but Squid didn't participate in the conversation. His mind trailed off. Soon the lights were out and it was time for bed. Squid pulled out the tape that read 'Session two' and pressed play.  
  
*Session Two*  
  
Dr. Schwartz: So Nayel how have you been?  
  
Nayel: Great. Alan got sent away. My mother is sick. Life can't get any better.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Now Nayel remember what I said. Always think positive. Now tell me about you're anorexia.  
  
Nayel: I don't eat. What's there to know.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Why did you do this to yourself?  
  
Nayel: Well it started when I tried out for drama club. I had to fit into to this pencil thin dress. They put it on me and I didn't fit in it. Someone said that I was fat and everyone started laughing. So I stopped eating. I would skip lunch and dinner. My parents began to worry. So they sent me to the doctor. The doctor found nothing wrong so they just left me alone for awhile. My clothes begin to fit me baggy. My jeans would slip down to my hips. So I had to wear a belt. My shirts made me look like I was flat chested. I didn't care. I begin to see my ribs and I looked dead. My parents finally caught on and checked me into a hospital.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: All of this happened when you were 15 correct?  
  
Nayel: Yes.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Well now you look quite healthy  
  
Nayel: My parents watched me 24/7. You would be healthy too....  
  
Dr. Schwartz: You said that Alan got sent away. What happened?  
  
Nayel: I left him behind. He never noticed my "disease". He just needed a look out and knew he could trust me.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Look out?  
  
Nayel: I'd rather not talk about it.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Okay. I'm going to try an exercise. When I say a person tell me the first word that comes to mind. Mother.  
  
Nayel: Death  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Father  
  
Nayel: Scared  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Alan  
  
Nayel: Betrayal.  
  
The tape stopped. Squid looked at Nayel. He quickly turned over the tape and pressed play.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Okay one more time. Mother  
  
Nayel: Sick  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Father  
  
Nayel: Angry  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Alan  
  
Nayel: Hurt  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Why were you thinking all negative words?  
  
Nayel: I don't know. You told me what to do. I just replied.  
  
Dr. Schwartz: Alright well sorry I have to cut this short but I have to go. So I'll see you next week  
  
Nayel: Of course. That's if I don't kill myself.  
  
Squid pressed stop. He took off the headphones and looked Nayel. He had no idea how "messed up" she was. He just made everything worse for her. He put everything in his crate and laid down. He looked up at the tent. He was so involved with himself that he had no idea how Nayel really felt. What she going through. Suicide. That was why she was sent here. They thought they could "fix" her. Was that it? 


	6. Scared of Me

A/N: Just like to say thanks to all the reviewers. You guys are the best!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
The sun beat down on the campers' backs. "Why doesn't a cloud just cover the sun? I mean all I want is a little bit of shade," Armpit exclaimed as he took a gulp of water. The water was their so called "life" as Mr. Sir liked to put it.  
  
"Or at least let us bring a tarp out here so we could sit under it and relax," Magnet suggested and smiled.  
  
"Man whatever I'll just be glad once I'm done digging," X-Ray rested his shovel against the wall of his hole and leaned back. Squid looked over at Nayel. She didn't seem very talkative today. She seemed lost in her own little world. Squid looked around. The guys seemed to be lost in their own conversations and fantasies.  
  
"Nile," Squid finally spoke. Nayel turned to him. "You feeling okay?"  
  
"Yeah fine," Nayel continued digging. "Just don't feel like talking that's all. Is that a crime," she snapped and grabbed her canteen.  
  
"No. I'm just w...," he stopped himself. "Just asking," he quickly continued digging. Nayel climbed out of her hole and headed back to camp. She dragged her shovel as if she had no strength in her.  
  
She finally reached the camp and threw her shovel in front of the library. She headed to tent and laid down on her cot. "Hey," she said to Zero. Zero just grinned and turned on his side meaning he didn't want to talk. Nayel pulled out an envelope from her pocket and tore open the letter. It was from her father. She began reading. She read some parts out loud to herself. "I'm doing fine. Hope you are too," she went back to reading silently. Then she began reading out loud again, "I don't know how long you will be staying there. The doctor hasn't decided yet. I hope the camp is really helping you and that you are coping with your problems," she went back to silently reading. Once she had finished she stuffed the letter inside the journal and got up. She began walking around the tent taking a peek inside everyone's crate. She saw magazines, letters, pictures, and stuffed animals. She stopped in front of Squid's and something caught her eye. It was a manila envelope. She reached into the crate and pulled it out. On the cover there was nothing written. She slowly opened it and dumped the contents on Squid's cot. She saw the tapes. She lifted one up and it read 'Session Two'. She began to remember everything she said on the these tapes. Everything that drove her to almost commit suicide. She couldn't believe Squid was hearing these. No one was suppose to hear them. The flap to the tent lifted up. Nayel didn't notice. The person got closer to her.  
  
"You know you aren't supposed to do that," the voice said. Nayel turned quickly and found Zigzag standing there.  
  
"Yeah well can't help a wondering eye," she put the tapes into the envelope and headed to her cot. Zigzag sat on his.  
  
"So why were you sent here," he asked. He looked at her eager to find out. Nayel sat down and held the envelope.  
  
"Wrong place, wrong time," she repeated.  
  
"What's the real reason," Zigzag smiled.  
  
"I'd rather not talk about it," Nayel suggested and put the tapes into her crate.  
  
"You can tell me," Zigzag headed over to her.  
  
"I said I don't want to talk about it," Nayel looked at him. He could tell she was serious. So he backed off and headed to Wreck Room. Squid walked in. "Alan come here," Squid walked over.  
  
"What," he groaned. He didn't want to talk to her. She held up the envelope.  
  
"What are you doing with these," she demanded. "These are personal and...and you can't hear them," Nayel glared at him.  
  
"I should be asking the questions. When were you planning to tell me you were trying to kill yourself? Cutting your wrists? Depressants? Anorexia? What the hell Nayel?" Squid looked at her. She looked down.  
  
"You just don't get it," Nayel said.  
  
"Is that going to be your excuse all the time? That no one gets you," Squid lifted his eyebrow. "News flash people will get you. You just have to open up,"  
  
"I don't need to," Nayel rubbed her wrists. "No one cares. Not even my dad,"  
  
"What's that suppose to mean," Squid still sounded bitter but calmed down just a tad.  
  
"My dad. I think he's just scared of me. I mean ever since my mother died he feels he's lost control," Nayel wiped away the tears that were running down her cheeks.  
  
"What happened? Why were you sent here," Squid didn't understand.  
  
"Where do I start," Nayel looked at him.  
  
"How about from the beginning," Squid suggested with a tone of sarcasm. Nayel took a deep breath. She was about to let someone in. She didn't like to talk about her past. That was already dead and buried but now she had to dig it up so she could let Squid in. It was painful for her but there was no turning back. 


	7. I'm Sorry

A/N: Thanks again to the reviewers and for those who are reading the story. You guys are awesome! OK this chapter is going to be basically a flashback.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar. Nor do I own the song "Perfect" by Simple Plan.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Nayel sat at the kitchen table eating a piece of toast. She looked at her father. He seemed deep in thought. Although his full concentration was on his coffee. It was black which wasn't normal for him. He usually drank his coffee with sugar and cream. Nayel didn't say anything. "Can you drive me to school," she finally broke the silence. Her father didn't answer. "Okay I'll walk," she got up and grabbed her messenger bag. She slung it over her right shoulder. She looked at her dad and kissed his cheek lightly. "Bye," her father didn't move at all. He just stared at his coffee. Nayel nodded and left. She took a deep breath and began walking.  
  
*Hey dad look at me. Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan?*  
  
Nayel finally arrived at school. She kept her focus on the ground. She slowly headed to her locker. Although her friend got her in her way, "Hey Nayel. You coming to the party tonight," her friend asked smiling.  
  
"No. I'm not," Nayel simply said and kept on her way. She finally reached her locker and opened it. She grabbed a small bottle and popped it open. She took three pills from it and put them in her mouth. She took out her bottle of her water and drank some. She shut her locker and headed to class.  
  
*And do you think I'm wasting my time... Doing things I wanna do. But it hurts when you disapprove all along.*  
  
Nayel sat in the back of the classroom near the window. She glanced out the window wishing she was somewhere else right now. She turned to the blackboard, but saw nothing written on it. She took out a spiral and began drawing. She noticed a guy sitting next to her staring at her. She looked at him, "What," she snapped.  
  
"Nothing. Just admiring you," the guy said.  
  
"What's your name," Nayel looked at him.  
  
"Mark," the guy announced extending his hand for her to shake.  
  
"Nayel," she turned away from him. Mark put back his hand.  
  
"You busy tonight," Mark asked still looking at her.  
  
"I'm not easy if that's what you think," Nayel glared at him.  
  
"I don't. I just think you're a nice person," Mark smiled. Nayel looked down at her desk.  
  
"I'm just trying to be nice," Mark said. Nayel nodded.  
  
"Here this is where I live come over," Nayel handed Mark a paper with directions. Mark smiled and nodded.  
  
*And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud. I'm never gonna be good enough for you*  
  
Nayel got home. Her dad was sitting on the couch watching Law & Order. Nayel sat next to him. "Hey dad," she smiled.  
  
"Hi," he said. He didn't even look at her. Nor did he smile at her. Nayel nodded.  
  
"I had a great day at school. You," she wanted to actually have a conversation with him but he wasn't making it easy for her.  
  
"Good," he answered her. Nayel's smile faded and she went to her room. She stood in front of the mirror and smiled. She was happy, but then her smile quickly went away and turned into a frown. She went to the bathroom and lifted the toilet seat. She began vomiting. Then she looked at herself in the mirror. She quickly brushed her teeth. "Nayel you are such a disappointment," she said to herself. Tears began to fall from her eyes and on to her shirt. She was so confused and just wanted to end all the pain. She knew how.  
  
*I can't pretend that I'm alright. And you can't change me*  
  
Blood ran down her arms as she clutched the knife. She knew that this was the only way to end her suffering. The blood was her pain that she was letting out. She didn't deserve to live. She leaned against the bathtub and began to cry. "Nayel what do you want to eat," her father asked as he knocked on the door. Nayel didn't say anything. "Nayel," her father slowly opened the door and saw her. "What are you doing," he grabbed the knife from her and threw it in the tub.  
  
"Dad I'm sorry," she said weakly. She had no strength in her. Her dad helped her up.  
  
"Why do you do this to yourself," her father tried not to raise his voice.  
  
"I'm sorry," she kept repeating until she lost consciousness.  
  
*Cuz we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late. And we can't go back. I'm sorry I can't be perfect*  
  
Nayel woke up and felt the room spinning. There were white walls and curtains. She looked at her wrists and they were wrapped in bandages. There was a table near the bed she laying in. She grabbed it and tried to lift herself up. She was unsuccessful and a cup of water hit the floor. Her father got up from the chair and walked over. "Hey,"  
  
"Where am I," she asked rubbing her head and shutting her eyes.  
  
"In a hospital. You were trying to hurt yourself," her father looked at her. "Why do you do that Nayel? Don't put me through it again,"  
  
"I'm sorry," Nayel began to drift off to sleep again. Her father held her hand.  
  
*I try not to think. About the pain I feel inside. Did you know you used to be my hero? All the days you spent with me. Now seem so far away. And it feels like you don't care anymore*  
  
Nayel woke up to hear voices talking. It was her father and some woman. "She needs help," the woman exclaimed. Nayel looked at her but couldn't see her clearly.  
  
"I know she does, but I don't know what to do with her. I don't want to send her to a looney bin," her father protested.  
  
"I don't want to see her there either. My sister was telling me that her child was sent to a camp. Camp Green Lake. They help kids there. Maybe that will work," the woman suggested.  
  
"I don't know. I just need help," her father looked at Nayel. Nayel had her eyes half open, but he couldn't tell.  
  
"Just consider it," the woman said. Nayel's father nodded.  
  
*And now I try hard to make it. I just want to make you proud . I'm never gonna be good enough for you. I can't stand another fight. And nothing's alright*  
  
Nayel was at home finally. After three days being in the hospital she was extremely happy to see her room. She was sitting on her bed reading her mother's journal. Her father walked in. "Hey," he said.  
  
"Hi," she answered him. He sat next to her.  
  
"I remember when you're mother wrote that. She wanted you to be the only one that read it," he looked at Nayel. Nayel nodded. "Nayel you need help," he said bluntly. "I don't know what to do anymore. Just tell me what's wrong," Nayel didn't answer him. "Tell me please. I want to know. Is there anything I can do,"  
  
"You can do," she repeated. He nodded. "How about looking at me straight in the eye? How about talking to me about stuff other than my problems? How about being a dad," Nayel snapped. Her father looked down. "I just need a parent right now. I don't need you to give me the cold shoulder,"  
  
"I am a parent to you," her father yelled. "You just don't want to tell me anything," he stormed out of the room. Nayel ignored him.  
  
*Cuz we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late. And we can't go back. I'm sorry I can't be perfect*  
  
Nayel was sitting at the table with her father. They ate in silence. They could hear the clanging of the forks against the plates. "I'm sending you to this camp that helps kids,"  
  
"What," Nayel looked at him.  
  
"I'm sending you to Camp Green Lake. I want you to get better not worse," her father continued eating.  
  
"You can't do that," Nayel shot back.  
  
"I'm your father and I think it is best for you," he took a gulp of his tea.  
  
"That's not fair. Just because I don't tell you what's wrong you send me away. That's bullshit," she yelled. "Mom would of sided with me,"  
  
"No she would want the best for you," her father remarked. Nayel glared at him and went to her room.  
  
*Nothing's gonna change the things that you said. Nothing's gonna make this right again. Please don't turn your back. I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you. But you don't understand*  
  
Her father drove to where the bus was going to pick up Nayel. "I'll never forgive you," she said.  
  
"It's okay. I know this camp will help you," her father said. Nayel held her backpack close to her as she saw the bus. "I'm sorry but I think this will help you,"  
  
"Yeah whatever," Nayel got out of the car and got on the bus. Her father watched as the bus headed towards the camp. He prayed he was doing the right thing.  
  
*Cuz we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late. And we can't go back. I'm sorry I can't be perfect*  
  
Nayel was on the bus to Camp Green Lake. She looked around at the other girls that were on the bus. She tried to have a positive attitude but that wasn't going to happen. The bus came to a halt and the girls got off the bus. They were greeted by Mr. Pendanski. Nayel wasn't paying attention to him. Then she saw Squid. So this was where he had been. This piece of shit of a camp. Nayel knew that it was time to put the past behind her and try to befriend him again.  
  
*Cuz we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sorry I can't be perfect. Now it's just too late. And we can't go back. I'm sorry I can't be perfect*  
  
A/n: Wow this chapter is loooong. I'm sorry just had a lot to say I guess. Hope it turned out good. 


	8. Sweetest Touch

A/N: Thanks a bunch to all my reviewers. You all are the best! I hope this chapter is good. Sorry it took me ahile to post. I just couldn't think of anything but fortunately I finally came up with something.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Squid stayed silent. He was slowly taking in what Nayel just said to him. She looked at him. Streams of tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I...Well...," Squid couldn't find the words.  
  
"It's okay," Nayel wiped away her tears and got up. "Don't tell anyone," she headed out of the tent to the Wreck Room. Squid sat there for awhile thinking. He had no idea how depressed Nayel was. He never thought about it. He got up and headed to the Wreck Room. Nayel sat next to Zigzag in front of the television. "Hey," she said. Squid walked over to the pool table with X-Ray and Magnet.  
  
"Hi," he responded. He seemed lost in his own world.  
  
"What you watching," she asked and looked at him.  
  
"The X-Files," he answered her. Nayel looked at the screen and just saw static. How could he know what he was watching? She wasn't going to tell him anything.  
  
"Oh cool," she nodded. Zigzag was memorized by the television.  
  
"Ziggy you ain't watching this shit today," said another camper and messed with the knob.  
  
"Dusty the show wasn't finished," Zigzag complained and reached for the knob. Dusty smacked his hand away.  
  
"Sorry not today," Dusty continued messing with it. Zigzag got up and walked out. Nayel got up and followed Zigzag. She walked into the tent. Zigzag was laying down on his cot reading his TV Guide. She walked over and towered over him.  
  
"You okay," Nayel sat on Zigzag's crate. Zigzag shrugged and continued looking through it. "Okay I can tell you don't want to talk to me," she got up but Zigzag grabbed her wrist.  
  
"No stay," he begged. Nayel sat back down. Zigzag sat up and looked at her. Nayel was looking down and didn't seem like she was focusing on anything. She seemed as if she was thinking. "What you thinking about," he asked.  
  
"Stuff," she looked at him. "Why were you sent here?"  
  
"I burnt down a portable at my school and I think my parents just wanted to get rid of me," he cracked a smile. Nayel sighed and intertwined her fingers.  
  
"I can relate," she said. Zigzag nodded but didn't know what she meant.  
  
"Dinner time," X-Ray popped his head into the tent. Nayel and Zigzag headed out. Nayel sat next to Squid. There were many conversations going on at the same time. Nayel poked at her food.  
  
"Eat," Squid whispered to her. Nayel slowly started to eat the green slob the cooks had pour onto her tray. Squid ate his food. Zigzag glanced at Nayel every once in awhile.  
  
After dinner the campers piled into their tents. Except for D-Tent. They were going to have one of their meetings. They all sat in a circle. Then came in Mr. Pendanski. He sat in a chair and smiled. "So Nayel how do you like it here?'  
  
"It's okay. Better than home," she murmured. She was sitting between Zigzag and Squid.  
  
"Better than home," Mr. Pendanski repeated. The room fell silent.  
  
"People actually...," she looked down. "Never mind," she looked up and smiled hoping he would stop questioning her.  
  
"Please continue," Mr. Pendanski urged. Nayel shrugged.  
  
"They're cool," Nayel nodded in defeat. Mr. Pendanski smiled and began lecturing about why digging holes is important. Nayel looked at her hands and rested them on the sides of her on the bench. She felt someone place their hand on hers. She looked down to see Zigzag's hand on hers. A smile began to form across her face. She looked down at the floor still smiling and didn't bother to move her hand. She felt safe with Zigzag's touch. Squid looked over and noticed. He clutched his teeth but didn't say anything. Fists began to form but he fought the urge to hit Zigzag. He just hoped it was nothing. 


	9. I'm Perfectly Peachy

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 9  
  
D-Tent had come back from digging. Zigzag and Nayel were holding hands. Squid cringed at the sight. "You okay," Magnet asked as he patted Squid's shoulder.  
  
"Perfect," Squid snapped and moved away from Magnet. Magnet looked at him.  
  
"Sure doesn't seem like it," Magnet cracked a smile.  
  
"I'm perfectly peachy. Does that answer your fuckin' question Maggot," Squid glared at him. Magnet glared back but just shook his head and kept walking. Squid could hear Nayel and Zigzag laughing and he just took off to the tent. He laid down on his cot and looked in his crate. He still had the tapes in there. He grabbed the envelope and placed it under his crate. The crate was now unbalanced but he didn't care. The laughter kept ringing in his head. He just knew he had to do something.  
  
"Okay hold on," Zigzag said as he walked into the tent. "Hey man," he walked over to his crate and grabbed a token. Squid didn't respond. He just took off his baseball cap and placed it by his side. "You alright," Zigzag walked over to him and grabbed his baseball cap and examined it.  
  
"Give it," Squid grabbed it out of Zigzag's hands.  
  
"Okay I'm sorry," Zigzag said as a smile began to form on his face.  
  
"You think you're the shit now," Squid stood up and looked at Zigzag.  
  
"What," Zigzag looked back. He had no idea what Squid meant.  
  
"I said you think you're the shit now, Ricky?" Squid pushed Zigzag's shoulder. Zigzag stepped back.  
  
"Squid chill," Zigzag shook his head like he didn't want to start anything. "Just tell me what's bugging you and I'll help you," he remained calm.  
  
"You don't know shit about anything," Squid protested and pushed Zigzag harder this time making him trip over Magnet's crate. Zigzag hit the floor and looked up at Squid. "You just back the fuck off," Squid spit at Zigzag and walked out of the tent. Zigzag stayed there for awhile and then got up on his feet. He headed towards the showers. He had no idea what was on Squid's mind but he knew for sure Squid would never be this pissed at him. They were best friends. He placed his token into the slot and then water began to run. He was still thinking about Squid. He wanted to know what the hell his problem was.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Come get your lunch boys and girl," Mr. Pendanski shouted as he opened up the ice chests. There was cheese sandwiches, graham crackers, and apples. Zigzag got in line. Squid got in front of him and 'accidentally' hit Zigzag. Zigzag looked at Squid weird.  
  
"Sorry man," Squid said with no real remorse. He grabbed his lunch and went to sit down in his hole. Zigzag and Nayel got their lunch. They sat in Zigzag's hole.  
  
"This looks gross," Nayel complained.  
  
"Here this one looks better," Zigzag exchanged sandwiches with her. She smiled and began eating. Squid watched from a far. He could feel jealousy running through his body. He had do something. He got up and walked over to them. He towered over them blocking out the sun. Nayel looked up.  
  
"Hey," she said and smiled. Squid grabbed her arm and helped her up. "What,"  
  
"I need to talk to you," still holding her arm he went to his hole away from Zigzag. Although Zigzag watched.  
  
"What," she asked again and looked at him. Squid looked back at her.  
  
"Why are you with him? He doesn't even know anything about you. You don't know anything about him," Squid finally told her. He couldn't keep it bottled up inside.  
  
"That's why. He likes me and I don't want him to know the real me. He would just freak out," Nayel stated. She enjoyed Zigzag's company. She knew she wasn't alone.  
  
"I know a lot about you...," he stopped himself. He couldn't let her know. Not yet.  
  
"I know. That's why were friends," Nayel nodded and headed back to sit next to Zigzag. "Sorry," she smiled and continued eating. Zigzag glanced at Squid. Squid looked down and just started digging again.  
  
"Is he okay," Zigzag asked.  
  
"Yeah," Nayel nodded. Zigzag looked down. He knew Squid wasn't okay. He wanted to know what was bothering his best friend. 


	10. Don't Get Him Mad

A/N: Hey thanks to all the reviewers. Sorry I haven't written in awhile just had major writer's block. Argh! Well hope this chapter is good. Enjoy! Oh yeah! Thanks to Megan for the idea!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
D-tent had headed back to camp. Squid was walking behind Nayel and Zigzag. She was smiling and saying something to him. Squid threw his shovel and bumped into Zigzag as he walked to the tent. "Sorry," Zigzag yelled.  
  
"Fuck off," Squid yelled back as he stormed into the tent.  
  
"You sure nothing is wrong," Zigzag looked at Nayel. Nayel just shrugged and headed to the Wreck Room. Zigzag followed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was hot just like any other day, but today was different. Mr. Pendanski had handed out the lunches. Nayel sat with Zigzag. Squid watched intently. He didn't bother touching his food. Just kept his focus on them. "This food tastes like rubber," Nayel cringed at the taste.  
  
"Oh well my does too," Zigzag sighed and held up his graham crackers. "You can have these," he smiled. Nayel took them and kissed Zigzag. Zigzag was kind of taken away. He had never been kissed before. Well he did but it was just someone being mean to him and plus it was a dare. 'Who would kiss the school's freak?' was the dare. He kissed her back and placed his hand on her cheek. Squid got up and stormed over to them. He pulled Zigzag away from Nayel.  
  
"What the hell is your problem," Squid demanded. Zigzag stood up.  
  
"I should be asking you that question. You're the one giving me the cold shoulder," Zigzag yelled. Nayel stood up. The rest of the guys just looked at them.  
  
"I have my reasons bitch," Squid pushed Zigzag forcefully. Zigzag fell back.  
  
"Squid what the hell," Nayel said as she helped Zigzag up. Zigzag looked at Squid and punched him. "Zig," Squid hit the ground.  
  
"I thought you were tough," Zigzag glared at Squid.  
  
"Bitch," Squid got up and threw Zigzag to the ground and got on top of him. He just punched him over and over again. Zigzag was covered in blood. Squid's fists were too.  
  
"Alan," Nayel tried to pull off Squid, but couldn't. "A little help here!" she yelled and looked at the other guys. Magnet got up and helped pull Squid off.  
  
"You don't know shit about anything Zig. Just stay the hell away," Squid tried to get out of Magnet's grip but couldn't. Armpit was now helping Magnet restrain him.  
  
"What do you mean," Zigzag spat out blood. He had gashes on his face.  
  
"You know exactly what I mean," Squid kept trying.  
  
"Squid stop moving," Armpit demanded. Nayel helped Zigzag up.  
  
"No I don't," Zigzag pulled his arm out of Nayel's grip. "Don't touch me," Zigzag exclaimed and looked at Nayel.  
  
"Don't talk to her like that," Squid got out of Armpit's and Magnet's grip and charged at Zigzag.  
  
"Shit," Armpit was startled. Zigzag fell into Zero's hole hitting his forehead on the shovel.  
  
"Damn," Magnet said as he looked at Zigzag. Zero got out of the hole. Nayel looked in the hole. Squid stood next to her gasping for breath. He examined his work.  
  
"Zig," X-Ray said. "Get up man," he demanded. Zigzag didn't move. "Zero get down there,"  
  
"No way," Zero shook his head.  
  
"Caveman," X-Ray claimed. Caveman jumped into the hole and checked the pulse of Zigzag.  
  
"Get Pendanski," Caveman exclaimed.  
  
"Go get ma," X-Ray yelled looking at Zero. Zero took off to get him.  
  
"Damn Squid," Armpit gave him a half smile like this was unbelievable. Nayel looked at Squid.  
  
"It's not my fault," Squid whispered to himself. Nayel heard him.  
  
"I know," Nayel responded. She thought she had a clue to why Squid did this but didn't want to confront him. Not yet. Mr. Pendanski came with the truck.  
  
"Where's Ricky," he asked. Everyone pointed to the hole. "Stanley and Alan help get Ricky into the truck," Squid looked at Nayel before he jumped into the hole. Caveman and Squid slowly lifted Zigzag and put him in the truck. Mr. Pendanski got in and took off to the camp.  
  
"What if he's dead," Magnet sighed.  
  
"Well we all know on thing for sure," X-Ray joined in.  
  
"Don't get Squid mad," Armpit finished it. They all went back to digging secretly hoping Zigzag was okay. Nayel looked at Squid.  
  
"I'll help you," she offered. Squid shook his head and just went to his hole. He slowly started to dig. Nayel started to get worried. She knew that she would have to watch over Squid and make sure he doesn't do anything to put himself in danger. 


	11. Notice Me

A/N: Hey! I just to thank all the reviewers and ppl who are reading this. :o) Well you all will soon find out why Squid is so mad. Maybe in this chapter or the next. You'll just have to read. lol Thanks again!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
The horn went off. Which meant it was another day of digging. Zigzag's cot was still empty. Nayel got dressed. She looked over at Squid. He hadn't gotten up from the cot. "Yo Squid let's go," X-Ray said calmly as everyone headed out. Squid got up and got dressed slowly. Nayel walked with him out of the tent. Mr. Pendanski and Mr. Sir were saying for all the campers to gather around.  
  
"As you all know Zigzag," Mr. Sir began to announce.  
  
"Ricky," Mr. Pendanski corrected.  
  
"Zigzag isn't feeling well. We are sure that he is going to be fine. So you all may continue digging holes but just keep him in mind," Mr. Sir opened the library.  
  
"Keep him in your prays," Mr. Pendanski added. Everyone got there shovel.  
  
"Here man," X-Ray handed Squid his shovel. "Take it,"  
  
"No thanks man," Squid refused it.  
  
"No take it," X-Ray took the shovel that Squid got and walked away. Squid was now holding X-Ray's shovel. Nayel looked at him and then down and started walking.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was midday and it was silent as the campers dug. Squid hardly dug anything. He mostly sat in his hole. Nayel jumped into his hole and started digging. "What are you doing," Squid stood up quickly.  
  
"I'm done digging so figured you needed help," she said. Squid got his shovel and started digging.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said trying not to look at her.  
  
"For what," she asked. She quickly glanced at him. Squid stuck his shovel into the ground.  
  
"For everything I guess," Squid looked at her. "You know I never apologized before...well I have but I never meant it," he sat down again. Nayel sat next to him.  
  
"Why don't you tell me what's wrong? I mean it's not every day you knock someone into a coma," she joked but was serious. She wanted to lighten the mood.  
  
"I don't know what came over me," he began. "I just...I got tired of seeing it. I just wanted it to end," he shook his head. Tears began to roll down his cheeks.  
  
"Alan. What are you talking about," she asked as she wiped away the tears from his cheeks. Squid closed his eyes and he felt her touch. "Talk to me," she begged.  
  
"Don't you think I want to? But I can't," Squid snapped out of his trance. "Every time I want to say something I can't. I can't even look at you," he took off his baseball cap and placed it on his knee.  
  
"Alan you can talk to me. Don't be scared. We're best friends. I mean that's why I told you about everything that happened to me and not Zig," Nayel looked at him. "Look at me," he looked at her.  
  
"Nay I don't know why you're with him. He doesn't know shit about you," Squid shot up. "I know everything about you! Why are you with him! And not me," he finally confessed to her. He couldn't fight it anymore. He had to let her know.  
  
"I..I..," Nayel couldn't find the words.  
  
"That's why. You don't feel anything for me," Squid punched the wall of his hole making dirt fall. "You have no idea what you do to me! I get nervous when you come near me! I..I can never find the perfect words to say to you. You're just perfect," he felt like pulling out his hair. Nayel stood up.  
  
"I'm not perfect," Nayel shook her head. "Look," she showed him her scars. "Does this look perfect to you?" Squid stayed silent. "Alan you had feelings for me why didn't you tell me," she looked at me. Squid looked down.  
  
"I couldn't," he said again. "I just...I need to dig," he started digging again.  
  
"Fine," Nayel got her shovel and headed back to camp. Squid paused.  
  
"Fuck," he said to himself. He knew he messed up. 


	12. Whispers and Snickers

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! You all are the reason why I keep writing this story :o) Thanks and keep reviewing!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar. I do not own the song "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
*No one knows what it's like  
  
To be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man  
  
Behind blue eyes*  
  
Squid felt as if his mistakes were the most important thing at the camp. Everywhere he went he heard snickers and whispers. He didn't feel safe. He felt as if he was going to be beat up or something. One instance was when he was at showers. He put in his token and began to wash his hair and body. A camper was waiting for him to finish. He gave Squid ugly stares. "Sorry man," Squid said quickly and got his stuff. He dressed quickly. The guy just growled and took his shower. Squid headed toward the tent.  
  
"He's the guy who killed Zigzag," a boy whispered to his friend, but Squid could still hear him. 'Zigzag isn't dead. He's just hurt.' he said to himself. He thought it would be different when he talked to his "real" friends. He walked into the tent. The place fell silent.  
  
"Let's go the Wreck Room," Magnet suggested and headed out. X-Ray and Armpit followed. Caveman and Zero weren't in the tent. Nayel was sitting on her cot. He looked up at her. She looked down and headed out.  
  
*No one knows what it's like  
  
To be hated  
  
To be fated  
  
To telling only lies*  
  
It was dinner and the mess hall was silent. All the noise that could be heard was the clinging on spoons hitting the tray. Squid just looked at his food. X-Ray was usually the one who started the conversations but he didn't say anything. "How was everyone's day," Squid broke the silence.  
  
"It was good man," X-Ray answered. Everyone nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yeah. It sucks digging holes all day," Squid looked around. The eyes that were on him were now looking down at their trays. "Yeah..," Squid nodded answering his own question. He got up and threw his tray away and headed to the tent. He never felt more alone. He looked at the Warden's cabin. He started walking toward it.  
  
*But my dreams  
  
They aren't as empty  
  
As my conscience seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance  
  
That's never free*  
  
He knocked on the door. The Warden answered. "Yes Squid," she said. He looked at her.  
  
"Can I see Zig," he asked. He just had to see him to make sure he was okay. The Warden sighed and looked hard at him.  
  
"I'm afraid you can't," she said simply. "He's doing fine now go eat dinner," she slammed the door in his face.  
  
"Bitch," he said under his breath. He headed toward the tent. He plopped down on it and looked at Zigzag's cot. Why did he have to get so mad at him? He should of thought about Zigzag's feelings instead of his. But why should he? No one ever gave a shit about him. Ever since he was kid he had to do everything on his own. He had to take care of himself. He didn't care about anyone else until he met Nayel. Nayel was the only person who would ask him about his day and if he was feeling okay. He wasn't going to let Zigzag take that away from him.  
  
*No one knows what it's like  
  
To feel these feelings  
  
Like I do  
  
And I blame you*  
  
Night fell fast. The campers were in their tents. Squid knew what was the topic of every tent. 'Squid killed Zig' was all they talked about. In his tent they tried to avoid the topic. "What do you miss most about home," Caveman asked.  
  
"My bed," Armpit said hitting his cot lightly.  
  
"My dog," Magnet smiled.  
  
"My room," X-Ray said with a sigh.  
  
"My dog," Nayel said with a smile. Zero shrugged.  
  
"My parents," Caveman nodded and looked at Squid. "Squid," he asked.  
  
"I don't know. I don't care," Squid sank into his pillow and his mind drifted away. The conversation carried on. Nayel didn't speak she had fallen asleep as soon as Squid gave his answer.  
  
*No one bites back as hard  
  
On their anger  
  
None of my pain and woe  
  
Can show through*  
  
It was another day of digging. The sun wasn't as bright as it usually was. There were small clouds blocking it, but no one was excited. They didn't care. Squid sat in his hole thinking about Zigzag. The event kept replaying in his mind. He pushed Zig into a hole and Zig hit his head on a shovel. He remembered picking him up and there was blood dripping down from Zig's forehead. The blood smeared on to Squid jumpsuit. He looked down at the blood stain. He rested his head against the wall of his hole. "Yo Squid," X- Ray towered over him.  
  
"You head back to camp," X-Ray demanded. "I'll finish your hole," he jumped in.  
  
"No it's cool," Squid stood up. X-Ray looked at him.  
  
"I'll do it," X-Ray said in his tone of voice like it was his last warning. Squid nodded in defeat and headed back to camp.  
  
*But my dreams  
  
They aren't as empty  
  
As my conscience seems to be  
  
I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance  
  
That's never free*  
  
Squid walked into the tent. He wondered if he could sneak into the Warden's cabin and see Zigzag. He walked over to the cabin and peeked inside through the window. The Warden was asleep on the couch. He turned the knob slowly but it was locked. "Shit," he said quietly. He went around the back and tried the back door. It was open. He slowly crept inside and headed up the stairs. The stairs made a creaking noise. He glanced over at the Warden. She didn't move. He continued up the stairs and opened every door. He finally found the door where Zigzag was. He walked in and looked down at Zig. He had a bandage around his head and his eyes were shut. "I'm sorry man," Squid said softly. "I just couldn't handle the fact that you and Nay were together," his eyes got watery but he fought back the tears. "You don't understand the way I feel about her," he shook my head. "You can't even hear me why am I saying this," he confessed. He heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "Damn,"  
  
*When my fist clenches, crack it open  
  
Before I use it and lose my cool  
  
When I smile, tell me some bad news  
  
Before I laugh and act like a fool*  
  
The footsteps drew nearer. Squid opened the window and slowly climbed out. He closed the window as much as he could. He tried to figure out how he was going to climb down. He walked over to the drainpipe. He climbed down and ran to the tent. The Warden walked into the room with Zigzag. "Damn Pendanski," she closed the window. She looked down at Zigzag. "I suggest you get better soon," she left. Squid got to the tent. He was out of breath and he was practically panting by now. He sat on his cot. He knew Zigzag was okay. He just knew it.  
  
*If I swallow anything evil  
  
Put your finger down my throat  
  
If I shiver, please give me a blanket  
  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat*  
  
Squid walked into the Wreck Room when everyone returned from digging. He walked over to the pool table. The camper that was playing put his stick down and walked away. Squid began to play. "Can I join," he looked up to see Nayel standing there.  
  
"You sure you want to play with a murderer," Squid joked as he hit the 8 ball.  
  
"Yeah I'm sure," she smiled and began to play.  
  
"Why are you nice to me," Squid finally asked and looked at her.  
  
"Because," she began. "Even though you are being a jackass I think you are still the Alan that I know," she looked at him. "I know Zig isn't dead. He's just hurt," Squid looked down. Hearing someone else say those words made him feel comfortable. He knew he was right and everyone else was just crazy. He took his turn and waited for Nayel. She took her turn and grinned at him. He smiled back.  
  
*No one knows what it's like  
  
To be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man  
  
Behind blue eyes  
  
But my dreams  
  
They aren't as empty  
  
As my conscience seems to be* 


	13. I Knew I Wasn't Crazy

A/N: Sorry I haven't written in a while just been in a slump. But here is the next chapter and thanks to all my reviewers! :o)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
D-Tent was getting ready for bed. They all rested on their cots. Zigzag's was still empty. The cot hadn't been slept in nor touched. The sheets were still crumbled into a ball at the end. The way Zigzag kept it. The pillow was resting at an angle. Zigzag's crate hadn't been touched either. The toothbrush rested in the cup. The TV Guide was at the bottom. Nayel sighed and laid down on the cot. "Do you think he's okay," X-Ray finally broke the silence.  
  
"Yeah he is," Squid quickly said in Zig's defense. "I didn't kill him," he kept insisting.  
  
"Squid no one is sayin' you did," Armpit laughed. "Chill out," He shook his head.  
  
"Yeah Squid," Magnet looked at Squid. "No one thinks that right guys," he looked around. Everyone was hesitating about answering. "Right," he said again.  
  
"I believe him," Nayel said finally.  
  
"Thanks Nile," Magnet nodded. He glared at the other guys.  
  
"I know he's still alive," Zero reassured Squid. Squid looked at the only two people who answered Magnet.  
  
"Who's still alive," a boy asked as the flap went up. He had red curly hair and he was standing there with his hands in his pockets. Everyone stayed silent.  
  
"Zig," X-Ray questioned himself.  
  
"Yeah," Armpit sat up in shock. No one moved. Squid looked up from the floor.  
  
"You're alive," Squid stood up quickly. He was relieved to see that he was right the whole time.  
  
"Zig," Nayel ran over to him and threw her arms around him. Warm tears rolled down her cheeks onto Zigzag's jumpsuit. He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead.  
  
"Thanks," he whispered into her ear. Everyone else got up and went to give Zigzag a hug. There were all talking at once saying 'Man we're so glad you are back', 'We thought you were gone or something', 'Yeah now it's time to dig'. Squid slowly walked over to Zigzag. Everyone turned silent. Nayel was standing next to Zigzag holding his hand.  
  
"Man I'm..," Squid began but Zigzag interrupted him.  
  
"It's okay. It was the heat," Zigzag said as he looked at Squid. Squid looked back at him. He could tell Zigzag wasn't mad at all. He sighed.  
  
"Glad to see you," Squid hugged Zigzag. "People thought I was crazy or something," Squid smiled.  
  
"Well you weren't," Zigzag reassured him and placed a hand on Squid's shoulder, but Squid couldn't feel his hand.  
  
"What the," Squid moved Zigzag's hand away but couldn't. He looked around and the faces began to fade as if someone was erasing them. "What the hell," Squid moved back.  
  
"Squid," X-Ray said as he walked closer to him. Squid kept walking back. "It's me," X-Ray tried to reach for Squid's hand but couldn't. Squid fell back into a hole.  
  
Squid's eyes shot open. He looked around to see his campers towering over him. The light was on. He was drenched in sweat. "Here," Nayel walked in and placed a wet towel on Squid's forehead.  
  
"Where is he," Squid shouted and stood up. The towel fell to the ground.  
  
"Where's who," Magnet looked around.  
  
"Zigzag," Squid yelled and ran over to Zig's cot. It was empty and left just the way Zigzag had left it. "Where is he," he said.  
  
"Squid he's still in the Warden's cabin," Armpit looked at Squid with a confused look on his face. Nayel slowly walked over to him and touched his shoulder lightly.  
  
"No," he moved the things around on the cot.  
  
"Squid," Nayel said. He just kept moving the things. "Alan stop," Nayel grabbed his arm. Squid started to cry.  
  
"I fuckin killed him," he admitted. "He isn't coming back," he continued. "I saw him. He doesn't look like himself,"  
  
"He's okay Alan," Nayel looked at him.  
  
"No," he sat on the cot and his face fell into his hands. He just kept crying. "I'm a murderer," he insisted.  
  
"Squid no one thinks that," Magnet said looking at Squid. Everyone nodded.  
  
"We know you didn't mean it," X-Ray sat next to Squid. "Shit happens. No big deal right,"  
  
"Yeah man," Caveman said. "I mean that's how I got here," he shrugged.  
  
Squid finally calmed down. Everyone went to bed except for Nayel and Squid. Squid was lying down on his cot. Nayel was sitting on his crate.  
  
"You okay," Nayel asked.  
  
"Yeah I guess," Squid just kept staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Squid I have something to tell you," Nayel sighed. Squid sat up.  
  
"What is it," he looked at her.  
  
"I...I....," she kept repeating. She couldn't say it. "Never mind. Just go to sleep," she kissed his cheek and smiled. He nodded and laid back down. He quickly fell asleep. Nayel looked out the flaps and could see the Warden's cabin. A light was on in one of the rooms. She could see figures moving back and forth and seemed like they were arguing. "Mr. Sir must have cheated on the Warden," Nayel laughed softly to herself. 


	14. Why Are You Backing Down?

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading the story and reviewing. :o)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Squid had his shovel in his hand but wasn't moving. "Squid you okay," Magnet asked.  
  
"Yeah," he nodded. He looked over at the Warden's cabin. "I'm going," he said and got up.  
  
"You can't go anywhere," X-Ray exclaimed. "You have to dig," Squid shrugged and headed to the camp. Nayel looked at him and followed. "Fine whatever," he continued digging. He wasn't going to let Squid's problems get to him. Squid stormed through the Warden's cabin door.  
  
"Excuse me," the Warden yelled. Nayel walked in behind. Squid headed upstairs to the room with Zigzag. "Squid get your ass down here," she yelled again. Nayel stayed quiet.  
  
"Zigzag," he opened the door and walked over to the bed. "Zig wake the hell up," he said.  
  
"Get out of here," the Warden walked into the door. Nayel walked in behind.  
  
"No. I know he's a fine he just needs help," Squid insisted.  
  
"Squid," Nayel said quietly.  
  
"Zig wake up," he said again.  
  
"He isn't going to wake up," the Warden yelled. "He might never wake up," she insisted. Squid looked at her.  
  
"What," he said.  
  
"The doctors say he is in a coma," she shrugged. "You practically killed him," she glared at him.  
  
"You bitch," Nayel glared at the Warden.  
  
"I'm telling you the truth," the Warden looked at them. "The shovel must have caused it. If you hadn't pushed him he wouldn't be here now would he Squid," Squid stayed silent and just looked at Zigzag.  
  
"I didn't kill him," he said under his breath.  
  
"Yes you did," she nodded. "Sorry Squid," she sighed.  
  
"He's still alive," Squid said. He shook Zigzag lightly.  
  
"No he isn't," the Warden said again. Squid just kept shaking him lightly. "Stop it," she said. "You are just hurting him more,"  
  
"Zig man wake up we gotta dig," Squid tried to convince himself the Zigzag was okay.  
  
"Squid," Nayel grabbed his arm. "Maybe she's right,"  
  
"What," he looked at her. "You are just giving up! What the fuck is your problem! Nayel I thought you believed me! I guess I was wrong huh," he looked back at Zigzag.  
  
"I..I'm sorry," Nayel said and walked out. She couldn't stand it anymore. Seeing Squid like this. He wasn't himself. She feared that he would never be the same.  
  
"Fine you can stay here with your dead friend," the Warden left. Squid clenched his teeth.  
  
"Squid," a familiar voice said.  
  
"Zig," he said automatically.  
  
"Yeah," Zigzag rubbed his head and sat up slowly. "Where the hell am I?"  
  
"The Warden's cabin," Squid smiled. "You see I knew I wasn't crazy. People thought I killed you,"  
  
"Well obviously you didn't," Zigzag smiled. "It's actually nice in here," he looked around and stood up. "How long have I been here,"  
  
"A couple of days but it seems like months," Squid smiled and kind of laughed.  
  
"Well don't be surprised if it was," Zigzag headed to the door.  
  
"Where you going," Squid asked and followed him.  
  
"I gotta go see my girlfriend," Zigzag smiled. Squid felt a rush of emotion go through his body. "You know Nayel," Zigzag lifted an eyebrow and opened the door. Squid couldn't believe that Nayel was the first thing that he thought about. He guessed that Zig really cared about her, but he had to let Zigzag know how he felt about Nayel. Squid closed the door.  
  
"We need to talk," Squid looked at him. Zigzag looked back. Squid finally decided to tell Zigzag why he beat him up. Why he spat at him. Why he pushed Zigzag making him hit his head on the shovel. Everything. He was going to be honest with his best friend. 


	15. The Truth

A/N: Well this story has been going on for a month. Wow! :o) Well once again thanks to my reviewers! You all are the best! You guys rawk! Well thanks to Geneveva for the title of this chapter. :o) Oh yeah and pay close attention to the chapter there is a surprise. Hmm...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 15  
  
"All right man," Zigzag sat on the bed and looked at Squid. Squid clamped his hands together and sighed.  
  
"Well...I've been thinking about stuff," he started to stay. He sat on the chair that was there in the room. Zigzag looked at him.  
  
"Nayel," he said. Squid quickly looked at him.  
  
"What," Squid exclaimed as his heart skipped a beat.  
  
"Squid I'm not stupid," Zigzag had a smile on his face. "I may have been in here for a long time but I know what you want to talk about,"  
  
"Well I just hate it," Squid looked down. "I mean why does she love you? I've known her for a long time and we only dated for like 3 months then I got sent here to this piece of shit. This place has been an obstacle for me,"  
  
"What do you mean," Zigzag leaned forward.  
  
"I mean this place was the only thing that kept me and Nayel a part," he sighed. "But now she's here. I can touch her and feel her," he walked over to the window. "Zig I love her and she doesn't even know it,"  
  
"Have you told her," Zigzag lifted an eyebrow.  
  
"No," he shook his head. "I haven't had the balls to do it. It's like she has this spell over me. I look into her eyes and I get lost,"  
  
"You are very poetic Squid," Zigzag let a laugh. Squid formed a smile on his face.  
  
"It's true. When I see her with you," he stopped and tried to recollect his thoughts.  
  
"What about it," Zigzag listened to every word Squid was saying.  
  
"I just want to beat the shit out of you. I want you gone so I can have her," Squid looked at Zigzag.  
  
"Okay Squid I just came out of a coma please don't hurt me again," he said sarcastically.  
  
"I know that man," Squid laughed. "I'm just saying the way I feel,"  
  
"Squid I'm going to be a friend here and I know you aren't going to like what I'm about to say but it sounds like you are obsessed with her. You can't get her out your head. You want to be with her every day. I mean chill," Zigzag grabbed the clock from the night stand.  
  
"I'm not obsessed with her," he yelled. "I just care about her," he changed his tone.  
  
"Okay whatever," Zigzag got up. "Let's just go,"  
  
"No I'm not done," Squid crossed his arms. "I hit you because I couldn't control myself anymore. I pushed because of what you said to Nayel. I'm sorry man,"  
  
"Squid it's cool. What's done is done nothing can change that okay," Zigzag nodded. "Let's go to the tent," Zigzag and Squid walked into the tent.  
  
"Hey guys," Squid looked around smiling. Everyone seemed sad. "What's up," Squid sat on his cot. Zigzag sat on his. Everyone looked at him.  
  
"You mean you don't know," X-Ray seemed a little angry but sad at the same time.  
  
"No," Squid shook his head.  
  
"Damn," Armpit shook his head.  
  
"What is it," Squid's smile faded as he looked around. He looked down at his hand and noticed he still had his shovel in his hand. He dropped it to the ground.  
  
"No one told you," Magnet got up from his cot and walked to Squid. Squid shook his head. "We found out after we came to the tent. Mom said he was going to tell you,"  
  
"Tell me what," Squid demanded and looked at Nayel. Nayel was crying. "What the hell is going on,"  
  
"It's Zig," X-Ray finally answered.  
  
"Yeah I know he's alive," Squid pointed to Zigzag's cot but it was empty.  
  
"He can't be. He died," Armpit said quietly.  
  
"No. I was just talking to him a while ago," Squid took off his baseball cap.  
  
"No you weren't," X-Ray looked at him as if he was crazy. "You sat in your hole most of the day. You never moved. We didn't want to bother you,"  
  
"No I went to Warden's cabin and Nayel was there. Right," he looked at Nayel.  
  
"You never left," Nayel managed to say.  
  
"No," he shook his head. "He's fine,"  
  
"Squid he's dead," X-Ray said again.  
  
"It can't be," Squid fell on his cot. "I saw him. I talked to him," he looked down.  
  
"It's the guilt," Zero said. Squid looked at him. "You feel guilty so you are beginning to see Zig everywhere,"  
  
"I saw him," Squid insisted.  
  
"I'm sorry man," Magnet said and looked at Squid.  
  
"We're all sorry," X-Ray stood up and walked over to Squid.  
  
"It's not your fault," Armpit said.  
  
"Yeah," X-Ray agreed. Squid started to shake and kept his concentration on the ground. Nayel walked over.  
  
"It's okay," she put her hand on his shoulder. Squid pushed it away. He didn't speak. He couldn't. His body felt numb. He knew he killed Zigzag. He had proof. Everyone was crying and gloomy. He didn't blink.  
  
"Maybe we should call Ma," Magnet suggested. Nayel shook her head.  
  
"No leave him alone," Nayel said automatically and knelt down. "Alan," Squid didn't answer. "Alan talk to me," Squid still didn't say anything.  
  
"What do we do," X-Ray looked at Nayel. Nayel looked at Squid.  
  
"Alan," she said again. Squid was still shaking. The voices around him seem to fade out.  
  
"Squid," Armpit said.  
  
"Damn what do we do," Magnet began to panic. "Shit," he yelled.  
  
"He's in shock just calm down," Nayel said and took hold of Squid's shoulders. Squid didn't look at her. "Alan look at me please," she said. Squid still didn't do anything. "Get Mom," she finally yelled. "Squid stay with me," she lightly tapped his cheek. His face began to turn pale. "Squid," she said again. "Hurry," the voices again began to fade and Squid hit the pillow. 


	16. These Are Unfamiliar Surroundings

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. :o) About Squid dying...you'll just have to read. Well enjoy the next chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar.  
  
Chapter 16  
  
Squid's eyes shot open. He looked around and didn't recognize any of this. "Where am I," he said and sat up. He was going to remove his hat but it wasn't there. "Nayel," he said. He got up slowly and noticed he wasn't in his jumpsuit. He was in jeans and a white t-shirt. "What the hell," he screamed now. "Zig," he repeated. He walked over to the window and noticed he wasn't at the camp anymore. "Where the fuck am I," A nurse came rushing in.  
  
"Alan are you okay," she asked as she got his medication ready.  
  
"Where am I," he looked at her. "Where's Nayel and X and Magnet," the nurse stopped him before he could continue.  
  
"Sweetheart don't you remember," she poured a glass of water.  
  
"No," he began to worry.  
  
"You went into a state of shock and fainted. No one could wake you so they sent you here, to this hospital," the nurse walked toward Squid with the medicine in one hand and water in the other.  
  
"What," Squid looked out the window and read the name of the hospital. "Peterson Psychiatric Hospital," he stepped back. "I'm not fuckin crazy," he yelled.  
  
"We know sweetheart now take this," she held out the medicine. He smacked it out of her hand.  
  
"No," he shook his head. "I...I...," he sat on the bed. "Where's everyone," he looked at the nurse.  
  
"I'm not sure," she shrugged. "Some of them possibly could have gone home who knows," she picked up the medicine.  
  
"Can I talk to them," he looked at the nurse.  
  
"Of course sweetie," she smiled. "I believe three of them are here. I'll be right back," the nurse comforted Squid. He wasn't crazy and he knew it. He looked down at the bracelet. He tried to take it off but the nurse walked. "Don't do that Alan. Well here are your friends," Squid looked up to see Caveman, Zero, and Nayel standing there. "Well I'll check on you later," the nurse left. Nayel, Zero, and Caveman walked in and sat in the chairs that were there. Squid looked at them. They were wearing regular clothes. Caveman was wearing jeans, a t-shirt that read 'Hurley', and black Vans shoes. Nayel was wearing jeans and a black long sleeve t-shirt with and white tee over it, and black Puma shoes. Zero was wearing jeans, an 'Atticus' hoodie, and Allen Iverson shoes.  
  
"Hey guys," Squid said.  
  
"Hey," Caveman was the first to speak. Nayel looked at Squid. She could tell he had mix feelings about this.  
  
"What's up," Squid spoke softly.  
  
"Nothing. We're out," Zero kind of smiled.  
  
"Yeah," Squid nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry about everything," he sighed and looked down. He was ashamed of everything he had done.  
  
"It's not your fault," Nayel said reaching over to touch Squid's hand. He pulled his hand away. "Squid they are having the funeral for Zigzag tomorrow,"  
  
"That's wonderful," he looked out the window. "Too bad I'm not going to go,"  
  
"You could go," Zero spoke. "We could ask,"  
  
"No," he shook his head. "I mean what's the use. His parents wouldn't want me there. I killed him. I bet right now they are having a big party because they know I'm here. This is worse then Camp Green Lake. Everyone thinks I'm crazy,"  
  
"We know you aren't man," Caveman reassured him. Squid looked at him.  
  
"Do you," he questioned.  
  
"Of course," Caveman said in an unsure tone of voice. Squid kind of smiled and looked out the window.  
  
"You can't trust someone when they think you're crazy," Squid said softly and under his breath.  
  
"Squid we don't think you're crazy. I know when you saw Zig that you did see him," Zero looked at Squid. Squid looked back and some how believed him.  
  
"Thanks Z," Squid said.  
  
"Yeah," Nayel agreed and got up. She hugged him. "I'm going to try to get you out of here," she whispered. He hugged her back.  
  
"Maybe I belong here," he said as he pulled back from the hug.  
  
"What," Caveman looked at him and stood up.  
  
"So I won't hurt anyone," he shrugged and looked at them. They all just looked at him.  
  
"You don't belong here Squid. That's crazy talk," Zero exclaimed shaking his head. "I mean come on man. You want to stay in here. Enclosed in these four walls where people think you're crazy," he lifted his eyebrow.  
  
"Sure why not," he shrugged and looked out the window.  
  
"I think the sun was messing with your head," Caveman joked. "We better go. We're going to get you out of here. You deserve to be there at Zig's funeral. You two were best friends," Caveman shoved his hands into his pockets.  
  
"Yeah Alan," Nayel walked over to the door.  
  
"We promise to get you out," Zero headed out.  
  
"Later man," Caveman headed out.  
  
"Stanley," Squid walked over to him and looked at him. "Take care of Nayel for me,"  
  
"I will man but it won't be for long. You'll be out of this hell hole," Caveman smiled and they did their little handshake.  
  
"Thanks man," Squid headed back to the window and continued looking out. Caveman looked at him and then left. Nayel and Zero were waiting at the elevator.  
  
"What did he say," Nayel looked at Caveman. Caveman shook his head.  
  
"Nothing," they got into the elevator and pressed the down arrow. Nayel looked at her watch. She couldn't believe that Squid was in a place like this. She wanted him out of here. She knew he wasn't crazy.  
  
Squid watched ,from his window, the cars that were going by. Maybe he did belong in there. It was safe, but then he knew he didn't belong. He belonged out there with his friends. People he could trust at least that's what he thought. 


	17. No One Knows

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! I love them, but all things must come to an end. :o( so this is the end of the story. I hope it turns out well and thanks to all the readers. I'm thinking of a new story so keep a look out for it. :o)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that pertain to the movie/book "Holes". They belong to the writer of the book, Louis Sachar. I do not own the song that is used in this chapter.  
  
Epilogue  
  
*Two Years Later*  
  
"So you sure you want to do this," Squid's aunt asked. Squid was finally out of the hospital and he was better. He lived with his aunt and uncle. He kept in touch with his friends but mostly kept to himself. He was the only one that understood what he went through.  
  
"Yeah I'm sure," Squid looked out the window. The car came to a stop in front of a cemetery called St. Joseph Cemetery.  
  
"I'll wait here," Squid's aunt smiled. Squid nodded and got out of the car. He looked around and then headed inside. He looked around at the tombstones. He felt uneasy about this but he knew it was the right thing to do. He put his hands into his pockets and kept walking. It was awfully quiet. Squid stopped in front of his destination. He glanced at the tombstone that read 'Ricky Kasch 1987 - 2004' Squid sighed and glanced around to make sure no one was around.  
  
"Hey man it's me," he began. He tried to search for the words. "I'm sorry about everything, but I think you know that. Well at least I hope you do," Squid smiled. "We did some crazy things at Camp Green Lake and I will remember that," Squid felt tears develop in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away. "All I can say is that I miss you man and I'm sorry. I spent the last two years in some crazy bin. They thought I was fucked up. That's why I couldn't come to the funeral for you. Well everyone came to see me as soon as they got out," Squid looked over at his aunt's car. "I'm living with my aunt and uncle now. No more drunken mother for me," he looked back at the tombstone. "I'm not with Nayel. She isn't dating anyone right now. Her dad and her are patching up things. You know cause they weren't exactly on good terms. Well Caveman, X, Pit, Magnet, and Zero are doing their own thing. As for me I'm planning to actually do something with my life. I don't know if everything will turn out good," Squid wiped the tears that managed to escape. "Man I miss you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen but...I was fucked up. Well I better get going. Take care man," Squid took one last glance at the tombstone and then headed to the car. He was trying to fight the tears but let a few roll down his cheeks. He looked back at the tombstone. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I'm sorry," he continued walking to the car.  
  
*No one knows what it's like  
  
To be mistreated  
  
To be defeated  
  
Behind blue eyes (blue eyes...blue eyes)  
  
And no one know how to say  
  
That they're sorry and don't worry I'm not telling lies (lies...lies)  
  
But my dreams they aren't as empty  
  
As my conscious seems to be I have hours, only lonely  
  
My love is vengeance  
  
That's never free  
  
No one knows what it's like  
  
To be the bad man  
  
To be the sad man  
  
Behind blue eyes* 


End file.
